A message from David Blackmon, Director of Pastoral Care at Mission Hospital: 

Health Care Decisions Day in North Carolina is April 16, the day after filing taxes. Was that a coincidence? I'm not sure.  But, it is a good time to take stock and ask, "Do the ones I love most know what I value when it comes to care at life's end?" Tough question! In my role as a chaplain and ethics committee member at Mission Hospital, I often share in the stories of patients and families struggling with these decisions. Knowing what a loved one would want at life's end can be a blessing. Not knowing can create conflict at the most difficult of times.

I recall a family gathered around the bed of their mother. Jane struggled with her cancer diagnosis for over six years. Good options for treatment were effective early in the disease. However, as time passed, it became clear that a cure was not possible. One child spent days at the bedside offering the healing that comes with deep love and tender hands. Another visited as work allowed, never missing a chance to recall a story about childhood and Jane's four grandchildren. Though the coming loss was the greatest of blows to this family, there was no dissent about what to do when Jane slipped from consciousness and closer to death. She had helped them understand her hopes, even about dying. There were no more medical interventions offered or tests run. Routine acts of care and attention to comfort became the prescription for each day. Death came, not in the anxious fray of a last ditch effort at living a little longer, but with quiet prayers and memories spoken through tearful eyes. Planning and talking about end-of-life was long lost in the simple living of those choices in the most intimate of ways.

Another family found themselves blindsided by an accident involving their child who had just graduated from high school. Physicians and nurses poured themselves into heroic measures to save when all seemed lost. But, the best medical care did not stop the effects of what had started on that rain-slick road. Tests confirmed it. There was no blood flow to the brain. A child was dead. Mother and father were devastated with no consolation. An hour or so after the worst news had been spoken, someone reminded them, "Hugh had a heart on his license. He wanted to help others whenever he could." The team at the hospital and LifeShare helped the family learn about what could happen through organ donation. They said their good-byes, left the hospital, and waited. The news came about 24 hours later. Seven people would live because of Hugh's decision to donate life. It did not make things okay, but knowing Hugh saved others shed some mercy on such grief.

The need to make decisions about care at life's end often seems remote and untimely. But making these wishes known can yield timeless results. Beginning with what brings joy and meaning to life is a good place to start. Exploring decisions about organ, eye, and tissue donation opens the possibility of saving another's life even in death. Reviewing current health needs and future changes demands honesty. Communicating goals through advance directives, a donor card, or heart on your license strengthens self-advocacy. And that is the best resource for good care of self and loved ones, now and at life's end.